Happy place

I loved going to my moms house. Something about that house and the gardens surrounding it made me feel like life was so much beautiful when i was in peace with myself.
Everything about this place intrigued me from the old swing on the mandarian tree to the cracks in the walls of my grandfathers study.
Each room held history that cant be told through someone elses word because you would have to find it, ask the objects around the room what they have to say and then, only then you would be able to find its beauty.

My grandfathers room was the most intresting of them all. I wish i could make you feel what i feel when i enter that room. You would label me crazy when you find out that i loved the dust ridden shelfs carrying magazines and books from long before my time. I loved the way that room captured a piece if time in its four walls. There was a desk on the left of the door. The desk itself was a adventure to emabark on. The countless ink pens and random assortment of stationery, letters he have received throughout his lifetime, stamps that could take you around the world, and in the drawers you would find gadgets and gizmos that would put Ariel to shame. I loved everything about it. I loved tracing my fingers upon the numerous lines of the desk that have fought its battle against time.

And likely my memories in this place were always pleasant nothing that i can muster up as sad or negative. I remember how sometimes at night i would find my sister and cousin sneaking into the kitchen to the pantry during the middle of the night and how i would quietly follow them but end up being found anyway.

This house upon the hill is my happy place. It isnt a castle or bungalow but in between these walls there glows a love that maybe stronger than what you can ever find in those houses. And for that i am forever grateful.

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4

There is something about today
I cant quite put my finger on it
Something in the back of my mind whispering to me that everything is going wrong
Something is going wrong in the maze of my mind
Somewhere between the corners
Something has risen
Slowly spreading its way into the roots

The sky a unknown shade
The flowers still blooming as it was yesterday
But they look scared
Scared that something is coming
The universe in me dont feel the same as it did yesterday.
What is this feeling?
Like everything is so colourful yet so dull
Nothing excites me anymore
All melodies sound the same
Its almost as if all my happiness said goodbye
And sadness has made its home

I know i should i fight it
The parasite in my head
But my systems too tired for a battle
And i welcome it with no joy
Let it make a home in me
Maybe i am supposed to be like this

Slowly breaking away
Part by part
Piece by piece
Until i am no more.

3

Nowadays you break her more on the inside
Though i know her face dont say the same
Dont get fooled by the smile playing on her lips
She likes to hide behind a petty mask
Cus everything she ever knew was just everything she never thought it would be
I know she still visits the places we used to be
But i cant do anything but watch her just turn to cinders
She tried telling you that everything was not fine
But you only see the lines.
never whats in between them
And that was your biggest mistake
How you thought that she would just be fine
You thought that no matter how much you two messed up
She will still welcome back you into her broken heart

But i guess that this time it was different
She finally start to understand that you are the toxic in her head
A parasite she welcomed in like a guest

But time changes minds
And she locked the door and build walls
Only welcomed the ones that had enough strength to knock down the wall
Never the one who take the easy way in and knocks on the door

Beacuse one wedensday she woke up and realized that she was worth fighting for.

2

January gave me memories
And photographs of time
It was a month of happiness and peace
It was also a month of curiosity
“Whats next?” is what I always asked myself

Feburary taught me to hold on
And to let go
It gave me answers
And questions
A month of confusions
And understandings

March was new beginnings
And fixing things
It gave me hope
“Maybe the year wasnt that bad at all”

April was nostalgic
Journeys and roadtrips
Childhood places and moms dishes
It left me wishing at night
To time travel to 2010

May was a month of preprations
A holy month which changed to my core
It gave me tests and battles
And each prayer left me one step closer to god

June gave me friendships
And unbreakable bonds
It gave me stories and rhythms to write
It gave me a new home bounded by four walls in a classroom

July was too good to be true
Running in the hallways
Painting a new picture
Days filled with sunshine
Nights as peaceful as ever

August gave me warnings in soft whispers
The fire started dying and the clouds hung around
But my optimistic views left me blinded

Places we used to be filled with ghosts of memories we made
And its like the happiness never lasted
It could be just a fairytale
Or a dream of yesterday

I still to wonder what could have happend
If we chose to fix this

Instead of letting our ego control our emotions
How much the world could have changed
If we all talked it out that day

Now september passed by in a flash of a moment
October was a beautiful mess
November went away with my tears
December taught me acceptance

And once again a new chapter started
Left me wondering how fast time went
As January left me reminiscing
And February is healing me

And i hope the rest will make me reborn
To grow back as the girl they always knew
I wish march could take away my mask
And April will help to make me stand on top of this world

I just wish that this year will make reborn as the girl they always knew
And not wither…
Not again.

1.

I dont exactly remember how we met
The day time or moment
It wasn’t instantaneous or quick
I am not even sure that i noticed you

But the ways we met
Were complicated
And leaves me stranded in my thoughts
I still wish we dont have a common circle of friends
But I still find myself talking with your best friends
And I dont see you with them anymore
They mention your name and my heart sinks to the ground
I still cant belive that it was that easy to let go
And sometimes i feel like i am playing the victim here
When the truth is that i played with you for months on end
But nevertheless it wasnt lie what we had
It was a story to tell.

I hate the way i remember you
And even more i hate that i have to forget you
Its such a shame that we both filled each others void
Without even noticing how fast it went
From conversations about our favorite movies
To you telling me to stay that evening
Now doubt and remorse fills my head
A cauldron full of lies stirs in my chest
Just stay you moved on
And that with your words not your actions
Because the truth is there isn’t much left of my heart to break off.

But i still,
I hate the way i remember you
But even more the fact that i have to forget you.

This work is complete fiction.

this work is dedicated to my best friend Selwa Salam who always inspired me to do what i love and by the way please check out her work too.

https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/94312343

THANK YOU!

hello!

I wish I had an idea why am I doing this but I believe that everybody has a dream to share or apart of what they love doing and I guess that is what I am doing right now.

Disclaimer that my poetry isn’t perfect and at times you will find it as just scrambled thoughts but please do understand that in my head it makes sense and even if I cant get the entire story on paper, I would like to share a part of it at the least.

and also most of my poems are purely based on my observations or based on stories I have read, listened or lived through

PS:please give me constructive criticism

Salam! (peace)

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